


Whatever It Takes

by forkflinger



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Canon Temporary Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Scars, Speculative Backstory, Written before KH3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:15:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29785641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forkflinger/pseuds/forkflinger
Summary: Isa died, and Saïx survived.Someday, he would have his heart again. Someday, he would be Isa again. But until then, he survived.No matter what.
Relationships: Axel & Saïx (Kingdom Hearts), Isa & Lea (Kingdom Hearts)
Kudos: 11





	Whatever It Takes

**Author's Note:**

> Written before KH3 came out but I don't think anything got too terribly disproven soooo... yeet, as the kids say.

They shouldn’t even have been at the castle that day. They’d snuck past the guards to make their way down to the basement labs. Lea always relished a bit of mischief, especially when it came as a challenge, so he’d gladly led the way, although Isa was the one who wanted to go. He couldn’t remember why. He’d forgotten the moment the white-haired man with cruel eyes turned his strange blade on them. Whatever it had been, it couldn’t have been worth it.

They awoke in a strange place of whirling shadows. Lea had never known when to keep his mouth shut; he leapt to his feet and started demanding answers. Amazing, how much Lea still raged without a heart to fuel him. But this wasn’t some city guard telling them to stay out of the flowerbeds. This man looked through them as if they were barely there, and Isa had no doubt that he’d erase them in an instant at the slightest hint of trouble. The only reason they were still here was that they weren’t worth the effort of raising his hand to obliterate them. 

In an instant Isa understood their situation. The way to survive would be to make themselves useful, and that would require obedience. And that would require a firm hand to keep Lea, if not calm, at least quiet. Now was not the time for fire and rage. Now was the time for compliance.

They waited, quietly, calmly, as the others in this space slowly awoke and climbed to their feet. They listened as the man, who declared himself to be Xemnas, explained the fate that had befallen them. 

He didn’t fight against changing his name. Isa was gone. The name no longer belonged to this husk. Whatever atrocities this new half-life had in store, it was Saïx who would face them. One day, when Isa returned, he would be clean.

In the meantime, Saïx obeyed. 

* * *

Those early days were fuzzy. Xemnas spoke at length about hearts, regardless of whether he had an audience or not. Most of the others seemed lost, confused and aimless. One of the guards barely spoke; the other answered everything with despair in his voice. The child, even younger than Isa and Lea had been, watched wide eyes and silent. Saïx wondered whether he was smart or just frightened. The other two men, the one with the eyepatch and the sallow blond scientist, paid attention to Xemnas’s ramblings until they turned into plans.

None of them seemed to remember how they’d gotten here. Saïx chose to forget. Revenge would not save them now. 

He didn’t feel much different, actually, without a heart. It made the calculus of survival easier, perhaps, made it easier to sacrifice and abandon others, to ignore suffering and pain. When Xemnas’s plans became clear, Saïx knew it meant the destruction of many lives. To gather hearts would be to kill. He did not hesitate.

Axel proved a capable combatant, but his greatest asset was his willingness to kill. Empathy had been replaced by glee, and he never stopped to think too much about who he was after. Saïx could manage him. He learned, too, the tone of voice and angle of eye to command. The former guards fell easily into step, the habit of years or service. Saïx could feel Xemnas’s eyes upon him as he directed Xaldin or Lexaeus to certain targets, or set Vexen and Zexion to learn more about what they’d become. His silence felt like approval. Before long, no one challenged Saïx.

* * *

The scar on his face was two separate wounds, earned days apart.

Saïx rarely went out on missions himself. He spent his time strategizing, identifying powerful Heartless to destroy or analyzing the information their researchers uncovered. His men - although truly they were Xemnas’s, sometimes he slipped - brought him reports of what they discovered on their trips out into the worlds.

Axel was the only one who would still talk to him. Axel was the one who’d convinced him to get out in the field for once, see a new world, have a little fun - he remembered fun, right? - and relax. Axel was the one who’d brought him to this jungle world, hot and vivid and alive.

Axel was the one lying in a pool of black blood, under the claw of a massive Heartless beast.

Saïx struggled to his knees, bracing against his claymore for support. The beast had swatted him aside like an afterthought as it closed on Axel, who’d been harrying it with swift attacks and licks of flame until it pounced. Now it had him pinned, and its head was dipping toward his motionless body. It had wicked teeth.

Something in his chest twisted in pain as Saïx gripped the hilt of his massive sword. He hissed, the edges of his vision going red as his world focused down to the monster in front of him. It had been so long since he’d felt anything, and it was this; had rage always been this powerful? Had he always harbored such capacity for hate? Or had every emotion he’d suppressed and ignored and denied because he refused to have a heart finally come to light? He looked up; the moon was full.

Some time passed. He knew this, because blood was pouring down his face. Axel was leaning on him, half-carried by the arm around his shoulder. The beast lay before him, eyes glazed over, evaporating into mist. His throat was raw. His knees were weak. His heart was empty. Slowly, he raised a hand and opened a path through the darkness to take Axel home.

The second scar came three days later. Axel was still recoverin, but Saïx was back to his regular duties. A layer of bandages hid the wound on his face; they cut off the edges of his vision, but the pain was insignificant. The summons from Xemnas came as a surprise, mostly because he had begun to doubt if the man paid any attention anymore. Turns out he did. Enough to call Saïx to the roof, under the light of their ersatz Kingdom Hearts.

“I hear your little excursion didn’t go so well,” he said, not turning to face Saïx.

“There proved to be more resistance than anticipated,” Saïx replied. Was this just going to be a lecture? “However, the target was eliminated, and Axel will recover soon.”

“Indeed. I checked on him earlier, actually.” Xemnas had his hands clasped behind his back. “He’s doing quite well. Well enough to fill me in on the details.”

Saïx stiffened as Xemnas turned around, with a faint smile and grim eyes. “It seems you are more capable than you’ve previously let on.”

This was a challenge. Was he a fool, or a liar? “I admit, I do not recollect much,” he said. Fool.

Xemnas chuckled. “Your friend was in danger, and you came to his rescue. How noble.” Saïx listened intently, searching for the veiled threat in every word. “The heart is fascinating, isn’t it?” he said, circling Saïx. “Even you, a Nobody, were given incredible strength to defend another. Perhaps Kingdom Hearts itself reached out to you.”

Saïx turned his face upwards. The pale light from Kingdom Hearts washed across his face. Here, the empty space in his chest could be mistaken for serenity.

“I wish to see a demonstration of this new power.”

Saïx turned to see Xemnas, casually holding one of the bright red blades he fought with. So. Would Xemnas kill him outright? Or was this just his punishment for however Xemnas had decided he’d failed? One thing for sure, it was far too late to escape.

So Saïx said, “Very well,” and called forth his sword.

At first, Xemnas was clearly holding back. He moved slowly enough for Saïx to block his attacks and only used one sword. Even so, it wasn’t long before Saïx began to fall back under his assault. Xemnas was much, much stronger than Saïx, and these lazy one-handed strikes still knocked him back and slammed into his ribs. Meanwhile, Saïx’s sweeping attacks with his claymore were easily dodged. 

Xemnas shook his head. “Come now,” he said. “Show me that power you drew from the heart.” His next attack cracked Saïx across the side of the head and sent him sprawling to the ground.

Saïx groaned, climbing to his knees just in time for Xemnas to kick him in the head and knock him back down. “Well?” he said, raising his blade high. “Show me!”

The next hit fell on Saïx’s back so hard he feared it would snap his spine. He strained to reach the hilt of his claymore as Xemnas regarded him with cold eyes. Xemnas’s boot connected with his ribs, rolling him over as he gasped for air. Above him, hanging heavy in the sky, Kingdom Hearts disappeared behind Xemnas as the man placed his heavy boot on Saïx’s chest and swung his blade around to point directly at his face.

“Unfortunate,” he said. “I had such high hopes.”

Saïx turned his head. He’d reached the end of his usefulness. Everything he’d done, all the suffering he’d caused and endured, all for nothing in the end. Kingdom Hearts hung at the edge of his vision, taunting him with the promise it would never fulfill. After all this, he would die without his heart. He lifted his hand, reaching past Xemnas for that heart that was forever out of his reach, and his vision went dark.

Some time passed. He knew this, because he was on his knees, panting, braced against his claymore. Blood was pouring down his face and stinging his eyes. Xemnas stood several feet away, both blades drawn, breathing harder than usual. He might have even broken a sweat. “Impressive,” he said as the blades vanished. “The power of Kingdom Hearts… impressive indeed.”

Saïx could not respond. It was all he could do to keep from collapsing - but he was, somehow, alive. He grit his teeth as Xemnas crossed the distance between them and patted him on the shoulder. “Thank you for the demonstration,” he said before passing out of Saïx’s field of vision.

Saïx held himself up until Xemnas’s footsteps stopped echoing against the cold marble. Then he allowed himself to slide to the floor, unable to hold his own weight any longer. He fought to control his breathing, and ignored the emptiness in his chest where his heart should have been racing. It ached. The light of Kingdom Hearts shone down, as cold and distant as ever. Had it truly lent him its strength? Or was it yet another pathetic delusion of a Nobody? Lying here, he could almost convince himself he had a heart.

If Axel noticed, later, that the two halves of the scar didn’t quite match, he never mentioned it.

* * *

Roxas was a distraction. Xemnas was so enamoured of his own pet Keyblade wielder that he practically restructured the organization around it. He turned Vexen to the task of building a replica as backup. He even tolerated the scheming of traitors because they might have brought Sora within his grasp. 

The boy was beyond useless, barely more than a Dusk. True, they were all husks, but he lacked even the imitation of humanity they all clung to. Xemnas’s plans were becoming more elaborate and obtuse, and Saix was beginning to suspect he was the only one who remembered their original goal. Their hearts. He would need to enact his own plans.

So he entrusted the boy to the one person in the Organization he believed in.

Saix found it harder to confide in Axel these days. The other man had grown sharper, sneering, chafing under Saix’s control. But he needed to be controlled for his own good, or he’d get himself killed doing something stupid. Every conversation seemed to end with glaring silence or sarcasm. The effects, he supposed, of so many years without hearts. Their friendship had been supported by nothing but habit for so long, and Saix feared it was beginning to wear thin.

Once their hearts returned, once they were back to themselves, Isa would apologize and Lea would forgive. They would be the people they could have been, if it hadn’t gone so horribly wrong. Until then, there was nothing for it but to stay the course.

More and more, his eyes wandered to the sky. Kingdom Hearts filled him with dread, a feeling of foreboding, a weight in the pit of his stomach, but a feeling nonetheless. After so many years of nothing, he couldn’t look away.

At first, the boy proved just as worthless as he’d initially believed. Axel kept him updated on what little progress he made. He talked. He remembered Axel’s name. He ate some ice cream. Saix wondered if the inane, pointless reports were revenge for making him babysit. Irritation didn’t require a heart.

He had more important things to deal with. Whatever plan Marluxia and his little band of traitors thought they were hiding, it was coming to a head. Saïx didn’t know the fine details, but he knew it was happening at Castle Oblivion, and that it involved Sora. And that Xemnas didn’t care enough to stop it. Then Vexen’s damn puppet appeared, sooner than expected, another useless shell that had to be managed and guarded according to the whims of the Superior.

Fine. The two pets could keep each other company. Axel was needed elsewhere. Saïx was done waiting. The traitors would be dealt with, their moronic simple minded schemes would be ended, and the Organization would return to its true goal: to reclaim their hearts.

It wasn’t meant to be such a massacre. Zexion and Vexen were talented scientists, and their loss would ultimately delay things. But when Axel stood in front of him and announced that he’d killed them, Saïx felt nothing.

“That was the plan, right?” said Axel, his voice tinged with annoyance. “They’d just get in your way, in the end. So I took care of them.”

Saïx looked at the man in front of him and tried to see a glimmer of the boy who’d died all those years ago. There was nothing. He felt no regret. Someday, when he was Isa again, perhaps he would look back on this moment and weep. But Saïx felt nothing.

Somehow, Axel seemed to have convinced himself he actually cared for the boy and the puppet. As if he hadn’t spent all these years as empty inside as Saïx. They were not creatures that could feel genuine affection for each other. One day they had been. Perhaps one day they would be again.

* * *

When Saïx confronted Axel outside of Kairi’s cell, he almost felt something. 

Perhaps, confronting Axel outside of Kairi’s cell, perhaps then he’d felt something. Perhaps, as he looked his friend in the eye and drew his weapon, something stirred in whatever he had instead of a heart. Perhaps it was just Isa knowing that he would never see Lea again.

Some time passed. Axel limped away breathing his last, and Saïx didn’t feel it any longer.

* * *

He waited for the Keyblade wielder in a room with large windows. Whatever happened here, he wanted it to be under the light of Kingdom Hearts. 

The Organization was gone. There weren’t enough left of them to rebuild, even if anyone survived the night. All their plans had come up short. The dream of Kingdom Hearts had felt so close for so long, and now it was forever out of reach. There was nothing left to do now except to wait for it all to be over.

Saïx waited.

When he heard footsteps on the marble, the only emotion he’d felt all these many years welled up inside him again. Rage, at the destruction of the Organization, at being robbed of the one thing he coveted above all else, at the loss of the only future he knew to hope for.

He turned that rage on the boy. 

Some time passed.

The claymore fell from his hand. This damned body of his was finally giving up, returning to the nothing it was made of all along. He reached out a shaky hand and asked the only question he’d ever had. 

There was no answer. 

He was gone. 

* * *

Some time passed.

Somewhere, Isa woke up.


End file.
